Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
