That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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