I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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