It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
