she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
