There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
