its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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