If i come over, it means nothing
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
is it fun? or sober?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
