My first STD was from a foam party
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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