if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
