I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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