Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
