Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize