brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
