Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
