i just had sex bonerless
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
don't judge my taste in strippers
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
