i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He? As in you personified your dick?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
