Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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