Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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