Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
