You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
