grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
