Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
