You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
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