Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
