Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
