idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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