dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
