Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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