Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
