This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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