They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize