??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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