Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
