Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
