singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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