Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
