i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
