ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
