I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I have surprise drugs for everyone
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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