I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
