the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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