I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
