The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize