Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
