I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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