I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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