some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize