so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
