I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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