these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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