I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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