At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
