dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize