I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
my sisters under your porch take her home
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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