i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
