Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Randomize