Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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