He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
