The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
