im about as happy as oj after his trial
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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