3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
