I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
