Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize