This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
