Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Having a random hookup so left but love u
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
