Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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