was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
