a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize