Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
