I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Less talking, more tequila
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize