she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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