Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
