what if every blade of grass was a penis?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Randomize
