how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
