if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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