Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
