There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
i think im in europe. pls send help
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
