i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize