I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
