I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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