I wish you could order shots online.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
