Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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