I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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