I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
