i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
foreskin is a definite game changer
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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