she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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