I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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