can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
