What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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