Taylor Swift is so right about you.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
