I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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