It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
