I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
